Half way through August, as a last minute attempt to try and find love before the end of summer, I made a JSwipe account (the Jewish version of Tinder). I'd be lying if I said it was my first time on the app because I've had at least four or five previous unsuccessful goes at it, but I promised myself that this time would play out differently - it did.
As per usual, I exchanged messages with a few people, but the conversations ultimately died down. Partly because I'm often made to feel like a CNN reporter, and once I stop asking questions the segment ends. Then, I matched with a med-student, a few years older than me and conveniently located only a few miles away. He presented himself as someone charming, and at the end of our first conversation asked if I'd like to meet up later that week. I said yes because it's not like I had anything better to do, and this would be the perfect chance to show my friends that I'm not as big of a prude as they think.
The next day as I was getting ready to go out to dinner with a friend, he messaged me asking what I was looking for on JSwipe? Honestly, I found the question to be a bit upfront, maybe because I didn't really know what I was looking for. So I replied with "I don't know, nothing stupid though." He then asked what I classified as stupid - another question that I didn't have an answer to, but I guess I meant I wasn't looking for anything extremely casual, so that's what I wrote back. He replied moments later and said that he also thought hooks up were stupid, but that friends with benefits are fun. I almost dropped my curling iron in the toilet.
That night at dinner I told my friend about the situation, and she said that modern dating requires you to open your legs before you open your heart. Skeptical of her advice I answered him back saying that I wasn't really that type of person. Then I realized I was dealing with an asshole because he messaged back "Not yet!" So, I put the asshole in his place and told him that he's only looking for one thing. He deleted me as a match after that, and I deleted the app.
The thought of putting sex before romance really scares me. Then I look at the relationships my friends have and most of them started or are heavily revolved around sex, but is that what we have to lead with? Ultimately it depends on what you're looking for because no one really knows what comes first - opening our legs or opening our hearts.
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